Category Archives: Humor

Time for a little gun humor.  I found this courtesy of The Gun Guy .

ARE YOU A GUN NUT?   – – I AM!  Some of these resemble me.  Let me now what you think?  Another podcat coming soon, but enjoy this read.

You might be a gun nut if…

• …you ever seriously thought about dabbing on a little Hoppe’s #9 before going out on a date.
• …you buy some checkering tools, you checker all your gun stocks, and then start on the bedposts.
• …you cannot recall how many firearms you own.
• …you buy a gun that’s just like that other gun you have except the barrel is 1/2″ shorter (or longer).
• …you buy a gun at a shop only to find out you used to own it a couple of years ago.
• …you know 12 different names for one caliber of cartridge.
• …you ever clean a gun that hasn’t been shot in the week since you cleaned it last.
• …you consider naming your unborn child Winchester or Remington.
• …you purchased two Glocks and two Sigs just to see which brand was better.
• …your drive to work is filled with reverie about why Ed’s Red actually works.
• …you strip all the paint off our car and refinish it with cold blue.
• …you ever bought ammo in a caliber for which you have no gun, because you thought some day you MIGHT get a gun in that caliber.
• …your collection of American Rifleman back issues, Gun Digests and reloading manuals cost you a premium the last time you moved.
• …you have more than one gun that “kills on both ends.”
• …you buy high capacity magazines for a gun you have not bought yet.
• …you take your guns out of the safe each night and handle them, just so you can wipe them off before putting them away.
• …your mother-in-law asks what new gun junk you want for Christmas this year.
• …you see TV footage of the war in Bosnia and wish you were there to pick up the brass.
• …you drive 300 miles just to ogle (and fire) (H&K H-K) HK-MP5s (and Stens, Uzis, BMGs and whatever else shows up at Knob Creek).
• …you keep a loaded gun hidden in every room in the house, including the bathroom and kitchen, “just in case,” and then keep one on you at all times just in case someone breaks in while you’re in the hallway.
• …you consider it unpatriotic not to own at least one .45 and one .22.
• …you named your pocket pistol “Little Guy” and your 12 gauge “Big Jake.”
• …you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot.
• …you tape American Shooter so you can pause, reverse and fast forward to do a complete analysis of the show.
• …you understand Smith & Wesson’s model numbers.
• …you ever bought two brands of the same weight and type of bullet, just to see if one “shot better.”
• …you keep a collection of different cartridges at your place of work as a “conversation piece.”
• …you take your wife on vacation to a gun show for your 10th Anniversary and she is as excited to go as you are.
• …you ever had to explain, “It’s NOT the same gun, it’s a variation!”

• you and your new father-in-law go to a gun show on your wedding day.
• …you have life memberships in more than one shooting organization.
• …you read that “Brady II” would outlaw possession of more than 1,000 rounds of ammunition and think, “I have more than that rolling around loose in the trunk of my car!”
• …watching The Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro Express.
• …while watching the movie Terminator 2, you have to leave the room in tears and mournful sobs after Arnold Schwartzenneger throws the CAR-16 off the moving tractor trailer and it goes bouncing away.
• …you go to three different gun shows within a month and you’re excited every single time.
• …your guns are cleaner than your residence.
• …you have 5 different guns being DROS’d at 3 different FFL dealers.
• …you plunked down a $130 deposit on a Seecamp after waiting two years for them to accept your order, and are still willing to wait another two years for them to make your pistol.
• …your mom gives you a new Springfield Armory .308 sniper rifle for Christmas.
• …four local gun shops know you by name.
• …you have your own BATF agent (mounted any suitable way).
• …you’re friends with 90% of the employee’s at all the local gun shops.
• …you identify the gun on the cover of Dillons Blue Press before you even notice the girl.
• …when you stop in at the local gun shop, they ask you questions like: “How was work?” “How are the wife and kids?” “We’re gonna order some food, ya want in?” etc.
• …you have more gunpowder stashed in your home than your local sporting goods store has on hand.
• …you can wallpaper your house with old issues of Shotgun News, Gun List, Guns & Ammo, etc.
• …all of your children are life members of the NRA.
• …your children are named “Ogive” and “Meplat.”
• …if you make $30 per hour at work, but spend 30 minutes on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 S&W brass.
• …you have Brownells on speed dial.
• …you trimmed down 100 10mm cases to form .357 Sig brass before commercial supplies of this brass were available.
• …the custom door lock pulls on your Jeep are .223 Rem cases and the gear shift knob is a .50 BMG.
• …your girl friend thinks that aura of Hoppes No.9 is your favorite after shave.
• …you have guns in your safe that you can’t, for the life of you, remember how you came by.

Let me add some:

• …you use empty .45acp brass as a thimble
• …you shout “Wolverines!” on your way to the gun range.
• …you save old T-shirts for gun cleaning rags (I actually do this.)
• …you look at an old horse and say, “wonder if I can make some good     holsters when he dies?”

Bob Mayne

Handgun World Show